Mourning What Should Have Been

Today NJ officially called it and closed the schools for the remainder of the year. While we all knew it was likely, seeing it in plain text made it a totally different reality. Today, I feel like I am in mourning.

I am mourning for my students. They are in fifth grade and have earned their end of the year celebrations. They will never get back those last precious months of recess, the last Field Day, or sadly, their graduation ceremony. They won’t get closure on their years spent in this building, forming relationships with staff and one another. I am crushed thinking of my classroom, frozen in time, with March 13 written on the board. I am sad that their last writing reports are still hung… their desks still full… their lives paused.

I am mourning for everyone at a milestone year, but most of all our seniors. To not get to graduate, some kids being the first in their families to receive such an honor, is soul crushing. For the kid who finally found a group of friends, for the kid who was finally starting for the Varsity team, for the kids who just miss normalcy.

I am mourning, so so hard, for my daughter. She is going to Kindergarten in September and I am crushed that she lost these last months of “childhood” that are gone forever once you enter “real school.” She is a light of sunshine and loved school with everything in her… to lose that… is crushing.

I am mourning for my son. He is in 2nd, so he is not missing any milestones, but he is missing LIFE. He is slowly getting depressed… and I’m not handling it well. He is a happy boy- seeing the light fade is earth shattering.

We all fight our own battles during this experience… but be kind to those of us mourning what should have been.


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